Mercenary Fleet Lexicon v.1.0.0.0.0.5.0.0b
Maintained by Section 8
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Oi is so late!
A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods: AKA Aderkies or Unpronounceable Ones. Ancient and powerful race found in the Voop Nebula of the R'GAKC galaxy. This species had transcended its need for physical bodies and lived as pure energy. Not surprisingly, they have encountered JAGGYPOO in the past and thus hate him with a vengeance (they are allied with PAGGYJOO). The Aderkies are the antithesis of the MF: logical, serious, un-humorous, and utterly unable to withstand any alcoholic substance. Bent on using a "PERMEATION" to ascend all beings in the universe to a higher plane of existence, eliminating their physical selves and merging everyone into one being. Unfortunately, this didn't involve consultation with the beings concerned. When first encountered, their leader, ISVERSCHTAK (later GNILKARTZ), had possessed the pilot MONKEYBOY. Via the JAWS, the Aderkies obtained MIRROR SHIPS OF DOOM, copies of any craft that passed through the wormhole, minus their skill level. These ships were immune to ordinary weapons and destroyed their originals on contact. The Aderkies controlled the LAKTHROFF, MCBLORK, CAPFUXLE, GLOMPACH, and VOKAL races. The counter-offensive against the Aderkies began in earnest with a successful attempt to rescue Monkeyboy by MAD HATTER, SECTION EIGHT, and WOZ, involving a Holy Haddock The Lord Jaggy Did Smite The Hatter With, Hatter LARPing as Sailor Moon, and many BELLECHUBBIES. In the end, with the aid of VOKAZTYK music weapons, PHASE Shifters, talismans of JAGGYPOO, ELITE ALCOHOL COMMANDOS, and a SUBSPACE BOMB, the Aderkies were utterly destroyed, becoming the MF's second genocide victim. Ooops.
See also: Bellechubbies, Capfuxle, Elite Alcohol Commandos, Glompach, Gnilkartz, Isverschtak, Jaggypoo, Jaws, Lakthroff, Mad Hatter, McBlork, Mirror Ships of Doom, Monkeyboy, Paggyjoo, Phase Technology, Permeation, R'gakc, Section Eight, Subspace Bomb, Vokal, Vokaztyk, Woz.
Aerotech: Semi-independent branch of the UE. A high-technology firm, Aerotech builds ships, weapons, sensors, and the Silicates. Also involved in deep space exploration. Have employed the MF several times in the past via an agent named Sewell. Generally trustworthy and a great source of gizmos, they do seem to have something to hide, as many of their special technologies and plans have a habit of vanishing without traces.
See also: Silicates
Akron: MF pilot. A hero to bovines everywhere, he is wingleader of the [Psycho] Defiant Cows, a group so ridiculous it caused many pilots to choke on their lunches when it first turned up. [Ed: also necessitated the addition of about 6 billion entries to this thing. CURSE YOUR OILY?ahem.]
Ankt Gurrl: RENEGADE pilot of a customized Crescent Warship. An associate of BALZER, she is fairly ruthless, willing to do anything for money. Her connection to TANK GURRL, if any, is unknown. A very dangerous opponent. [Ed: this was part of the whole Balzer/Blazer mixup.]
See also: Balzer, Renegades, Tank Gurrl.
Ation: Militant and technologically advanced race. The MF encountered them when investigating the CATI. Members of the smash and conquer school of thought, the Fleet repelled their initial invasion force in a huge conflict. The Ation had superior shields, better armor, long range and powerful cannons, illusion projection technology, and the ability to travel without the use of hyperlinks. They would go on the offensive once more after the MF investigated COUNCIL Station, and, under the command of BALZER, deal the MF (and the military forces of half the galaxy) an embarrassing defeat at Zachit Station (home of the ZACHA). [Ed: as I spent multiple hours making that plan only to have it fall to pieces, I was irritated. Grrrr.] They would move on to devastate a fair chunk of the galaxy's military, before the discovery of a countermeasure to the illusion technology and the introduction of the BORG motivated the Ation to relieve Balzer of command. Faced with an imminent Borg invasion, the Ation teamed up with the MF to repel the Borg. They would barely succeed, their society left in shambles after the battle.
See also: Balzer, Borg, Cati, Council, Zacha.
Azdgari: One of the three STRANDS, found in the middle of the CRESCENT. Reptilian in appearance, they are agile and cunning, favoring speed and hit and run tactics. Their ships specialize in manoueverability and shield regeneration; the Adzara is legendary for these things. In a constant state of war with the other two Strands, the IGAZDRA and the ZIDAGAR. Dislike the MF as they have helped both of these Strands; however, it would not be surprising if they approached us with a mission or two.
See also: Crescent, Igazdra, Strands, Zidagar.
Azers: A race of transplanted humans residing in the Cube system. The MF initially found them under siege by the CATI. As the Azers had technology equivalent to 20th century Earth, they were in dire straits. The MF came to their aid and liberated the planet. [Ed: this included the first ever ground combat mission.] Terran archeologists discovered the Azers had long ago been moved by a benevolent race known only as "the long ones," who feared for the survival of Earth's citizens. The Azers are currently under the protection of the OSTONS. The MF has given the Azer simple technologies to help bring them up to speed with the rest of the human race (such as the KRAIT), but recently they have been receiving aid from an unknown third party.
See also: Cati, Krait, Ostons.
Balzer: The Mercenary Fleet's first arch-nemesis. Initially encountered as leader of an ATION army, he later abandons this post and wreaks havoc throughout the galaxy with his associate, ANTK GURRL, all in an attempt to "rescue" his love, LIZ. Believed to have been a partner to MF Fleet Admiral Blazer in a UNITED EARTH sanctioned MERCENARY FLEET [FIRST] until the group was disbanded. Accounts of him vary: he is either a cunning, devious psychopath who mangles cute bunnies with a potato masher or a cunning, devious, slightly-deranged man who simply wants his girlfriend (Blazer's sister) back. Has dealt the MF many, many, MANY defeats. Briefly converted a number of pilots over to his side, the most notable of which being BEN. Current whereabouts unknown; hopefully they will stay that way. [Ed: Balzer and Antk Gurrl started off as typos of Blazer and Tank Gurrl, two game administrators in the UEVORPG. Then someone got the brilliant idea of turning them into super-villians. Great.]
See also: Ation, Atnk Gurrl, Ben, Blazer, Liz, Mercenary Fleet [First], Tank Gurrl, United Earth.
Baron Fel: Pilot in the MF. Notable for making diplomatic contact with the CENTURIANS, who were essential in the destruction of the F-25 portal.
See also: Centurians, F-25.
Battle strategies: The MF has developed and adapted several battle plans over the course of many missions. These are listed here for reference.
· RMA line strategy: A classic strategy suggested by RMA during the encounter with the second KYTARII Apocalypse Fleet. Wings are divided into several lines, usually around three. Each line takes turns Blitzing the enemy until their shields are weakened, and then retreat to the back of the line for repair and rearming in waiting carriers. The next line steps forward to do the same. Useful in holding back a charge.
· Klingon/Romulan Treachery strategy: Requires use of cloaking devices. Fighters move in under cloak, decloak, open fire, and recloak before retaliation can occur. Repeat as necessary. Recommended for use by armor-based ships, such as VANNING Gunboats. Very effective in causing chaos, but less effective with large vessels, as they are big and slow. When combined with tractor beams, becomes an efficatious method of dispatching REDS.
· Golden Gun [and variants]: Originally postulated by SECTION 8. Requires use of heavy explosives, preferably space mines. Wings are divided into Gun, Golden Shot, and Reload squads. The Gun squad forms a large drinking glass (the "barrel" of the Golden Gun), with heavy cruisers forming the interior. Inside this "barrel" are the three to four fast fighter wings of Golden Shot, and the one or more carrier wings of Reload. Golden Shot is loaded with mines and zips out at top speed to the target vessel. If possible, they should have escort wings fly ahead of them to draw fire. Upon reaching the target, they drop their mines on sensitive areas like the bridge and engines. The colossal damage resulting from even one bombing run is enough to eliminate a gargantuan VOINIAN Dreadnought. Golden Shot then reenters the protection of the barrel and reloads for another run. This attack is very powerful, but it requires a large amount of expensive mines. Also, the barrel is usually overrun after only a few attacks.
- Golden Gatling Gun: Same setup as the Golden Gun, except the Reload and Golden Shot squads are replaced by E-Sphere weapons. The barrel is waved around while the E-Spheres shoot constantly, blowing up things. Effective in theory, but whenever it is necessary to use an E-Sphere against someone they are doubtlessly powerful enough to overrun the GGG and destroy the weapons.
- Golden M16: Same setup as the Golden Gatling Gun, but a ship equipped with an M-Rail launcher is added. This is basically the most destructive formation available to the MF, and is best used against planet sized targets.
- Golden M16 with Riot Shield: Same setup as Golden M16, but with the addition of an Energy Sphere Shield. Godlike in power, it even took out the S'KRIMNVLLN.
· "Roight lads, let's git 'em!": See enemy. Attack. Die. A strategy used all too often.
See also: Kytarii, Reds, S'krimnvlln, United Earth, Vanning, Voinians.
Bellechubbies: Biological weapon created by the R&D TEAM. The exact details are unknown, but it is believed to be an amalgam of DNA sampled from tribbles, Pikachu, Barney, Mihoshi Mabiki (of Tenchi Muyo!), every teen pop singer on the top charts at any point in time of 2001, and 2 tubs of lard. The end result is a hideously cute, muzak-shrieking, document-eating, excrement-defecating little thing that detonates into 300 copies upon contact with pretty much anything. Several trillion of these were spawned in ADERKIE space from the few the R&D Team made. The Aderkies were understandably enraged by this: not only were the Bellechubbies annoying, but they were also very hungry, literally eating ISVERSCHTAK alive. The countermeasure to the Bellechubbies would have involved either a self-destruct switch, MAD HATTER announcing "The revolution is over and we have won1 Huzzah! Come now for pancakes and ham!", or quality entertainment. All existing Bellechubbies were destroyed in the detonation of the SUBSPACE BOMB, and all knowledge of breeding and use of Bellechubbies left in the care of the VOKAZTYK.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Isverschtak, Mad Hatter, R&D Team, Vokal.
Ben: Pilot in the MF. First gained fame by investigating the MF-B UNIVERSE, and later by being the first to discover the motivation to BALZER'S actions. He later joined up with Balzer under the pseudonym MASKED PILOT, and was instrumental in reuniting him with LIZ, ending the Blazer/Balzer conflict. Other pilots were less than impressed by his actions. He is now in retirement.
See also: Balzer, Blazer, Masked Pilot, MF-B Universe.
Blazer: Fleet Admiral of the Mercenary Fleet and all around nice guy. Believed to be a member of the MERCENARY FLEET [FIRST] with BALZER. Blazer was very much against his sister LIZ marrying Balzer, which would lead to a major conflict between the two. [Ed: in case you can't read the website, Blazer is also known as Stuart Nealy, creator and administrator of this rpg. Recently, real life caught up with him and he decided it would be best if he left. He has moved onto a more terrestrial plane of existence, but his spirit lives on in his NPC.]
See also: Balzer, Liz, Mercenary Fleet [First].
Bomaarii: Benevolent race from the F-25 GALAXY. They are humanoid, with pale grey skin and small bone protrusions in the sides of their necks. They are technological masters, possessing awe-inspiring biological ships and HOLODISGUISE TECHNOLOGY. Once enslaved by the KYTARII, they broke free after the Kytarii's collapse, and became a dominant economic force. After meeting the MF they informed the mercs their arrival had been prophesized two hundred years ago. The MF would receive a lot of headaches from their involvement with the Bombarri, most of them from their Chancellor, who was the humanoid equivalent to a giant, flashing, neon bullzeye. The Bombarii would also send several MF pilots undercover on the Kytarii homeworld, where they would discover the aliens terrifying Apocalypse Fleets. Despite the help of allies like the XARNEZ, the QUERIN, and the CENTURIANS, the Bombarri were forced to evacuate their space. Currently, there is a handful of Bombarri living on F-25. [Ed: the F-25 plugin suggests that the Miranu may in fact be descendents of the Bombarri.]
See also: Centurians, F-25, F-25 Galaxy, Holodisguise technology, Kytarii, Querin, Xarnez.
Borg: Cybernetic race remarkably similar to those featured in the twentieth century classic, Star Trek: the Next Generation. First encountered when the MF was stupid enough to explore beyond ATION space. Their only desire is to achieve perfection, and they do this by assimilating technology and civilizations, usually after blasting the seven Hells out of them. They are nearly unstoppable, as they can adapt almost immediately to any weapon used against them. They managed to destroy the Ation homeworld before a virus upload by SECTION 8 caused them to retreat. For now. [Ed: occasionally, Blazer will say, "Hey dudes! Wanna start the Borg string up again?" If you do not say "no" to this question, I will hurt you.]
See also: Ation.
Brian: AKA Brain. MF pilot with the titles of Prophet, Holo[graphic], and The Ignored. Official MF white noise generator. An effective strategist and great humanitarian, he has been cursed by the Elder God NoShiftIum, who decreed he should never use capital letters for the rest of his existence. This may explain why, despite an endless parade of good ideas, he is never, ever listened to. In fact, there is scientific proof that should Brian obtain omnipotent psionic abilities and scream obscenities into the mind of every MF pilot 24/7, they will all be far too engrossed in the latest Guide to Paint Drying to notice. However, the powers that be noticed his semi-permanent chat room presence, his undying determination in the face of universal ignorance [Ed.: especially in his leadership of MFV], and his establishment of THE NEW HOPE REFUGEE CENTRE: he has been awarded a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD. Brian is known to have access to surprisingly complex holographic technology (Holo-Brians), the source of which is unknown. Believed to have invented the CRÈME SLUDGER, but the exact details of its history are obscure, and MAD HATTER may have played a role.
See also: Crème Sludger, Mad Hatter, New Hope Refugee Centre, Purple Donkey Award.
Capfuxle: Incredibly idiotic, yet fuzzy and cuddly, race from the R'GAKC galaxy. Recently discovered their mouths were used for eating. They are curiously similar to tribbles, especially in terms of fecundity. The ADERKIES conquered them; perhaps they used them as earplugs? They are nearly as dumb as the GLOMPACH.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Glompach, R'gakc.
Captain Vincent: Pilot in the MF. Carried out the controversial idea of conquering North Tip Station, controversial because the MF was in the midst of a massive fight with the ATION at the time and needed all the firepower it could get. The Station was taken, and for that he received a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD (despite the fact it was later lost).
See also: Ation, Purple Donkey Award.
Cati: A race that got the pudding smashed out of it so quickly little is known about it. It is known the Cati attacked the primitive AZERS, believing them responsible for the actions of the ATION. As the Azers were barely capable of orbital flight at this time, this suggests the Cati might not be blessed in the brains department. The MF quickly repelled them from the Azer homeworld, and learned of the Ation, who had destroyed the Cati's homeworld. The Cati recently recovered from the Ation attack sufficiently enough to send a delegation to the NEW HOPE REFUGEE CENTRE, where they were promptly blown to bits. Sucks to be them, eh?
See also: Ation, Azers, New Hope Refugee Centre.
Centurians: Race of shape-shifters residing in the F-25 GALAXY. Like everyone else, they were once enslaved by the KYTARII, but later obtained freedom. They are an extraordinarily private race, almost never interacting with other species, preferring to hide in their isolated space deep in the Great Expanse nebula, using their shape-shifting ships to protect themselves. Their technology is beyond belief: they actually constructed the F-25 portal! BARON FEL, after a great deal of effort, managed to forge an alliance with them by locating one of their warriors. [Ed: in the equivalent plugin string, you had to find TEN of these fellows, all scattered across the galaxy with only obscure clues as to their location. Not fun.] This warrior was actually hidden in the F-25 colony [As I pointed out to Fel, ahem.], and was the instrument of the portal's destruction.
See also: Baron Fel, F-25 Galaxy, Kytarii.
Clams: Infamous biogenetic weapon in disguise as a gourmet item. Leading cause of bowel discomfort at CLUB EXIT, usually OTTER's. [Ed: During the initial days of the Food and Drink section of Club Exit, if you got sick, it was probably due to these. The variety of discomforts has since increased, but the clams seem to stick in people's heads like, well, bad seafood.]
Club Exit: Large ship in the MF support fleet. Essentially the universe's largest entertainment centre, MF pilots can eat, drink, gamble, hear rumors, and kill each other here in their spare time. [Ed: it's part of the website, silly.]
Council: Enigmatic group centered around the Gadzair system. Extremely secretive, they are believed to rule over all the STRANDS. However, none of the Strands seems to give a targ's butt about what the Council says, so this doesn't seem to be the case. At one point, they allied with BALZER in an attempt to re-ignite the smoldering Strand war and reassert their power, but this hit a little snag when Balzer backstabbed them. Ever since SECTION 8 broke into their station and shot up the joint, they have been very, very irritated at the MF.
See also: Balzer, Section Eight, Strands.
Crème Sludger: Variant of the SLUDGER beverage accredited to MAD HATTER and BRIAN. Believed to involve taking a standard Sludger, adding whipped creme and balsamic vinegar, and stirring the whole at 1000 rpms. Attempts to decipher the exact nature of the recipe have been fruitless, however, as the scientists are inevitably too drunk to remember anything by the time they hit the correct mixture.
See also: Brian, Mad Hatter, Sludger.
Crescent: Region of space containing most of this galaxy's military might. Visualize a crescent-moon open to the left over the galactic map; this is the Crescent. The North and South Tip RENEGADES reside in the tips. The ZIDAGAR occupy the upper right, the AZDGARI and COUNCIL the middle, the IGAZDRA the lower right. Due to an incident with the Council the MF is currently considered a Galactic Scourge in this region.
See also: Azdgari, Council, Igadzra, Renegades, Zidagar.
Darth Pikachu: Formerly human, now a foot tall yellow mouse, thanks to COUNCIL genetic experiments. MF pilot and fighter fanatic, he tends to run around with a massive battle-axe and a black cape, using his ability to manipulate electricity to satisfy the insane voices in his head (most of which involve strange spheres and being "chosen"). Human Charisa Aurora, a linguistic telepath, is his copilot and interpreter, as DP's speech skills are limited to saying "Pikcaw pickaw" and "vector-amalgamated panzerkampfwagens." Hasn't done anything important yet, but this may change: SECTION EIGHT has been seen toting an ancient PSG-1 sniper rifle whilst muttering "fragzarkingelectricslugbuggeritbuggerit" under his breath, and WEDGE ANTILLES gets nervous whenever someone says the word "Darth" for some reason.
See also: Council, Section Eight, Wedge Antilles.
Destravar: Leader of the LAKTHROFF. Got really quite irritated when BRIAN and SECTION EIGHT invaded his homeland by cutting through several sacred plants. He had plans to ascend to the ADERKIE realm with an anti-BELLECHUBBY virus, but the virus was destroyed by the MF's anti-anti-virus. Fragged by SUBSPACE BOMB.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Bellechubbies, Brian, Lakthroff, Section Eight, Subspace Bomb.
Dread Star: Large VOINIAN mobile death machine encountered in the early days of the MF. The size of a very small moon, it was heavily armored and armed, and possessed a powerful magnetic field. Many pilots inexplicably experienced "a bad feeling about this" when first hearing of the station. The MIRANU asked the MF to take out this monstrosity, which it did in a barrage of rockets and space mines. As it turns out, this ship was not a prelude to a massive Voinian strike, but an excessively armed courier of an E-Sphere, scheduled for delivery to the ENTON. Whoops. It is interesting to note that JAGGYPOO used the remains of this ship to construct SLUDGER STATION.
See also: Enton, E-Sphere, Jaggypoo, Miranu, Sludger Station.
Diplomat of Peace: Pseudonym used by MAD HATTER while negotiating a truce between Blazer and BALZER. Ironically, Mad Hatter is also head of Overkill Unlimited.
See also: Balzer, Blazer, Mad Hatter.
Dr. Tom: Froody pilot in the MF. Lead the first player-initiated special operation during the ATION conflict. Probably best known for being falsely accused of being a spy in the KYTARII conflict. Fortunately, he was cleared at his trial (which curiously resembled the one in Star Trek Six: the Undiscovered Country). Was also one of the first persons to try the Strike strategy (Machiavelli and JG were the others) and the first to be vaporized by it. Briefly reappeared in the confrontation with the ADERKIES as his alter-ego, Dr. Tom, Supremely-Sauced-Sorcerer of the Universe. Nominated for a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD.
See also: Ation, Kytarii, Purple Donkey Award.
Elite Alcoholic Commandos: Special forces unit formed established to combat the ADERKIES. To exploit the gods' vulnerability to alcohol, hundreds of troops were trained in the use of high-tech intoxicating weapons, including the fearsome Vodka Cannon. Presumably this training consisted of not drinking one's ammunition. The troops were instrumental in defending the SUBSPACE BOMB in the final confrontation with the Aderkies. With said threat now eliminated they have all been reabsorbed into the main MF force.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Subspace Bomb.
Emalghans: Race found north of VOINIAN space. They are primitive, barely capable of space flight. Their ships are made of wood and are about the worst vehicles out there (besides the KRAIT, of course). Due to their anti-armor Emalghan Cannons, they have been able to hold off the Voinians. They are friendly towards the MF, but pilots are discouraged from inviting them to battles as splinters are murder to get out of the intake valves.
Entons: One of the first previously undiscovered races encountered by the Mercenary Fleet. An ambitious, violent, and xenophobic race, their planet was plagued by industrial pollution. They went to war with the neighboring planet of the OSTONS, wanting to steal their atmosphere-cleaning technology. They also negotiated a deal for an Energy Sphere from the VOINIANS, which the MF accidentally/intentionally blew up. Eventually, the situation was resolved by moving the Ostons to a safer planet while the Entons took over their homeworld. It is noteworthy that they are the exclusive producers of technology useable to convert a Voinian Energy Sphere into an E-Sphere weapon, as well as the countermeasure to it. JAGGYPOO successfully negotiated a trade for this technology.
See also: Ostons, Jaggypoo, Voinians.
Étienne: Pilot in the MF. Onboard his flagship, the Marie-Étoile, he has a small army of gerbils and clones of famous female supermodels. He has been known to morph into a Kodiak Bear on occasion. Winner of a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD. Here, in its entirety, is the ridiculous piece that earned him the award:
MF-T #3 Plan [Goal: repair a television set.]
First, only Sereneca wing might partake in this plan. Other wings are invited to partake in PHASE 7, should it ever come to that...
I'd like to bring your attention to the importance of Strategy, Tactic and TeamWork (STTW). This will be primordial for this mission, along with the readiness of the equipment.
We will need : 1x M-Rail (If available. If not, cry for a while and get over it) 9x Elite UE Carriers, provided by Sereneca Squadron Blowing up and Shooting Inc - None of our customers ever came back to complain! 3x Set of electronic repair tools 1x Emergency Radio Antennas 1x Heavily armored vehicle, rigged for orbital paradropping. 5x Llama Super Diapers. 35000x Hamster training wheels & Dynamos 1x Camouflage net, big enough for a carrier. 5x SixPack of booze. 3x Tons of Emergency Supplies.
PHASE ONE The MFS Marie-Étoile lands beside the bar. IMMEDIATLY, a load of camouflage green hamsters will rush out, and cover the ship with the aforementioned camouflage netting. Meanwhile, the other ships will position themselves in orbit, in case someone attacks us, or the reception's so bad we need to move, say again, move (NOT BLOW UP) a satellite.
PHASE TWO Insertion Team (IT) penetrates the bar. IT will be constituted of a clone of Yoko Tsuno (French comic character, cute Japanese girl, get in all sort of unbelievable adventures, but is your run of the mill electrician), three gerbils, and Me. In order not to be discovered, IT will wear Llama Super Diapers (LSD) on their heads. This should provide anonymity for all (No one wants to admit that they know someone who would wear llama diapers on their head.) If IT is discovered, they will trash the diapers, and dance their way to the exit, singing 'My Hearts Goes Boom' at the top of their lungs. This should keep any threat away.
MEANWHILE, not MEALWHILE, that means, AT THE EXACT SAME TIME, you stuck up gerbil, the MFS Yellow November will neutralize, with the help of a Hunter missile, the local power plant (This will be referred to as SubOperation FEEL MA POWAH!). That should make sure that no one will get a nasty shock while operating the TV (Codenamed 'DA THING').
PHASE THREE Expandable Security team Bravo (ESB), lead by Britney Spears, take control of the now neutralized power plant. IT starts operating on DA THING from a safe hideout, on the floor beside the bar. Security team alpha (Lt. Sarah Schmidt and 15 commandos turkey with laser on their heads.) rushes into the bar, in full MF uniform (It impress peoples), in order to neutralize any resistance, toilet pipe leaks or drunk redneck with a shotgun.
Meanwhile, the MFS Corn Leafs paradrop the Heavily Armored Pickup truck, which is loaded with an Aerotech Portacouch, the chips and the booze, in case of emergency.
PHASE THREE AND A BIT MORE THAN A HALF The Hamsters Who Covered the Marie-Étoile With a Net (THWCTMEWAN) run, and install the radio antenna, wich will then be connected to DA THING by the gerbils's psychic powers. NOTE : To avoid detection, the antenna will be assembled underground, in a sewer. If no sewers are available, the MFS Yellow November will dig some with Hunter missiles.
PHASE FIVE Security team Alpha makes sure that no one remembers about PHASE FOUR.
PHASE SIX IT complete repair of DA THING, and radios the proper code to ESB. The completion code is 'Jaggy loves you, repeated three times'. (NOTE : The code is NOT Jaggy loves you, Jaggy loves you, Jaggy loves you. It's Jaggy loves you, repeated three times). Upon reception of code, ESB will reactivate the power plant, using hamsters and dynamo wheels from the MFS Watchamacallit, if necessaries.
PHASE SEVEN ESB come back to the bar, and try turning on the tv. If it doesn't work, fire Yoko Tsuno (As in, FIRE, not sack) and try again.
If it does, The couch, emergency supplies (Namely, chips and popcorn), and booze will be deployed in order to ensure a maximum comfort. Radio watch will begin until further orders. All teams are called back to their ships. IT will dispose of LSDs.
JAGGY BLESS THE MF!!
[Ed: Unbelievably, not only was this plan a complete success, it was instrumental in establishing contact with the Sheax. Oi.]
See also: Purple Donkey Award.
F-25: Site of a MIRANU colony in the Ji Nebula that soon became the most important spot in two galaxies. The MF initially found the colony in shambles after an attack from the previously unknown KYTARII. It was soon restored, after which the portal to the F-25 GALAXY was found. It would be the site of several important events, such as the trial of DR. TOM, the near assassination of the BOMBARRI Chancellor, and the final epic battle against the Kytarii. [Ed: believe me, it was epic.] After the portal's closure, F-25 became a microcosm of the F-25 universe, and currently supports a colony of Bombarri, XARNEZ, QUERIN, and other races. [Thunder: If you haven't already, for whatever reason, go read Bombcat's MF-C finale. It's in the previous missions. Do it. Now!!!]
See also: Bomaarii, Dr. Tom, F-25 Galaxy, Kytarii, Miranu, Querin, Xarnez.
F-25 galaxy: Area of space formerly linked to our universe via a portal near F-25. Contained the KYTARII, the BOMBARRI, the XARNEZ, the QUERIN, the CENTURIANS, and other races, most of whom got the MF shot at. Just your typical land of awe- inspiring vistas, grand adventures, and noble peoples. All contact with it was lost after the destruction of the portal, but at last report the Kytarii had resumed their subjugation of everything. [Ed: to learn more about this region of space, set aside three months of your life and play Bombcat's plugin F-25. It kicks buttocks.]
See also: Bomaarii, Centurian, F-25, Kytarii, Querin, Xarnez.
Ford Prefect: MF pilot. The third MF wing to join, and the first to open fire, Ford Blitzed his wing into combat on his very first mission, with grisly consequences. After picking the shrapnel out of his teeth, he upgraded to Aradas, and had the [ig]noble distinction of sticking with them for the next fifty-odd missions, resisting the beckoning calls of infinitely better ships. [Ford: Aradas kick!] During the KYTARII campaign, instigated Operation: Sardonic Madness apparently after an overdose of cod liver oil, where he deigned to provoke the Kytarii into fighting by dropping insulting message pods. This succeeded beyond his wildest expectations as his wing was decimated and then captured by the Kytarii, to be later freed by some anonymous MF vessels. For this, he received a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD. Currently in retirement.
See also: Kytarii, Purple Donkey Award.
Gakc'navlim: Former homeworld of the R'GAKC, before the K-VISHNL-XHO blew it up.
See also: K-visnl-xho, R'gakc.
Gechiv: MIRANU scientist who became obsessed with reopening the JAWS after it exploded. He broke several Miranu laws in trying to get it open again, and eventually was put on trial. RMA continued his research, eventually reopening the Jaws. Gechiv is surmised to be in a less stressful job now, such as staring at grass.
Glompach: Multi-armed race from the R'GAKC galaxy with an IQ of approximately 1 X 10 ?938703456 (equivalent to CAPFUXLE intelligence). Controlled by the ADERKIES, although if left to themselves they'd probably pose less of a threat to them.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Capfuxle, R'gakc.
Gnilkartz: Leader of the A'D'R'K'TRETH'B'YKRENTSCHJ GODS after ISVERSCHTAK. Delivered an ultimatum to the MF: stop attacking the Aderkies in return for safe passage back to normal space. Gnilkartz neglected to tell the MF the PERMEATION would merely pass through the JAWS and take over this galaxy if the MF capitulated. The MF refused, and Gnilkartz was gnawed by BELLECHUBBIES/nuked by the SUBSPACE BOMB.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Bellechubbies, Isverschtak, Jaws, Permeation, Subspace Bomb.
Hemenvag: Another member of the "grrIhateyoualldiediedie" school of thought. When initially encountered, they had banged up the VOINIANS so well the Voinians forged a rare alliance with their erstwhile enemies, the MF and the UE. It was later discovered they were from an alternate universe, fighting a second race, the IRAVOKE. The Iravoke and the Hemenvag were both created by Hela, a goddess who designed them to fight each other. [She apparently had a run-in with JAGGYPOO at some point as well.] The Iravoke were initially enslaved by the Hemenvag, but rebelled and struck back. The Hemenvag stumbled upon an artificial portal, through which they passed and began smashing this universe. After a protracted battle (made winnable by MAD HATTER'S brilliant actions), the Hemenvag were repelled through the portal, which was then destroyed. No word on the outcome of the Iravoke/Hemenvag conflict.
See also: Iravoke, Jaggypoo, Mad Hatter, United Earth, Voinians.
Holodisguise technology: Wonderful BOMBARRI device used for black ops missions. A small shiny black tube, it can disguise the user as any person of any species, right down to the smell. It can also be used as a hand grenade. Rick Tigereye, Lenin, Atilla, Thursday, Beigejaguar33, and Phoenix hold the only existing copies of this technology, as the knowledge to reproduce them was lost when the F-25 portal was closed. [Ed: if you manage to convince one of these pilots to loan you their disguise, for the love of Jaggy keep it in one piece! HOWEVER, a recent retcon by Akron now says that the UE has deciphered these devices and made cheap knockoffs. This means the technology is more easily available. Don't push your luck and try and equip an army with these, however.]
Huron, Battles of: Huron is one of the most distant UE worlds [Ed: it actually goes independent in a certain EVO mission string], and one of the most beleaguered. Nine times out of ten, its inhabitants are disappointed when they find the fleet that just jumped in was not the convoy carrying vital medical supplies for the latest outbreak of, say, pyrophoric eczema, but was instead yet another RENEGADE raid. To add to this misfortune is the MF's unusual tendency to conduct titanic battles in the region (a flourishing scrap metal market has likely emerged). The very first of these was coincidentally the MF's first outing. Although it was a standard anti-Renegade operation, the inexperience of the MF and its utter lack of arms made participation in the battle a point of pride for several pilots (notably WEDGE ANTILLES). It was in this battle where FORD PREFECT made his first foolish blitz. The second was a standard Renegade defense operation of little consequence. The third battle came much later, in the confrontation with BALZER. This introduced an infamous Renegade tactic, the Needle Storm, whereby MF cruisers were decimated after billions of Needle Missile hits, and Huron itself was captured. The next battle, involving Needle Jammers, mines, dispersal rockets, defense pods, 35 UE ships, and really narked off pilots, was something of a slaughter. The fourth battle did not happen (see MF-V, APPENDIX). No word on the people of Huron's opinion on all this.
See also: Balzer, Ford Prefect, Renegade, UE, Wedge Antilles.
Igazdra: One of the three STRANDS, found in the southeast of the CRESCENT. Extremely paranoid and mysterious, they love spying, subterfuge, and intrigue. They are in a constant state of war with the AZDGARI and the ZIDAGAR. Their warships are impressive, with high shields and great weapons (such as the Search and Eliminate module). The Igazdran, aka "the Banana of Death," is not to be taken lightly (and NOT to be called a banana). Due to the efforts of MAD HATTER, they are at least associates of the MF, but many ships will still fire upon us if we violate their boarder. If asked for assistance, they will not respond, but might just pop out of nowhere like a ninja to help us. [Ed: do not mess with the Bananas! The only thing that comes even close to it in terms of firepower is the Bombarri Cruiser and Querin Battlecruiser. These are tough mojos.]
See also: Azdgari, Crescent, Mad Hatter, Strands, Zidagar.
Iravoke: Member of the "proletarians throw off your chains" school of thought. The goddess Hela created the Iravoke and the HEMENVAG to fight with each other. The Hemenvag reached space first and enslaved the Iravoke. Eventually, the Iravoke broke free and began upending tankards of buttocks-smackage on their erstwhile slavers. The Hemenvag retreated through an artificial portal, through which the MF passed and were promptly yelled at to blow the smegging thing up. All contact with this race was lost after the portal's closure, but it is surmised the Iravoke whipped them soundly.
See also: Hemenvag.
Isa: Of the genus Latrodectus mactans, this woman is your typical femme fatale (emphasis on fatale). The MF's first mission from her was a simple taxi rideto the VOINIAN homeworld. After swiping the Voinian equivalent to the Glockman Diamond she's waylaid by a small Voinian armada and the MF has to bail her out. At this point her affect on several pilots' hormonal glands became apparent, as they became slathering lapdogs to her. Isa's attempt to fence the rock to the RENEGADES hit a snag as the Voinian SAS arrived and were subsequently gunned down by her and her MF minions, at which point the sale resumed and there was much cashola to be found. She turned up again during the construction of the KIPPERDOM base (connected to the aborted MF- V string), and then disappeared, presumably to pursue another paralegal transaction. [Ed: Isa is based on a character found in Stuart Nealy's plugin, The Fourth Reich, likely available from the official EV:O webpage. I don't like Isa. I really don't. Sure, she pays good, but she's a negative karmic magnet or something. While others swoon at her arrival I hide under a box, knowing that, like Terry Pratchett's Luggage, woe and despair follow in her wake. And I strongly suspect she was in with those MTC conspirators!!!! Rrrr]
See also: Renegades, Voinians.
Isverschtak: ADERKIE leader who possessed MF pilot MONKEYBOY. Although the Aderkies had no need for mortal shells, this possession not only provided him with a hostage, but also with nigh-invulnerability: Monkeyboy was immune to alcohol blasts and artifacts of JAGGYPOO, and he was immune to everything else. WOZ managed to rescue Monkeyboy from Isverschtak's ship. A psionic of SECTION EIGHT'S Krusaders then discovered Monkeyboy, while immune to alcohol blasts, was still vulnerable to alcohol ingestion. This exorcised Isverschtak, who was promptly vaporized and mauled by BELLECHUBBIES. His subordinate, GNILKARTZ, then took over.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Bellechubbies, Gnilkartz, Jaggypoo, Monkeyboy, Section Eight, Woz.
Jaggypoo: Self-declared Emperor-God of the universe and patron deity of the Mercenary Fleet. On this plane of reality, appears to be an overstuffed three-foot tall pink bunny rabbit. Rumored to be madly powerful, but seems to be merely mad. However, evidence does exist to show he is immortal and capable of dividing red seas and such, but not outside the confines of the chat room or the NEUVORPGS. Distinguished amongst UEVO players for being an utter lunatic, a shrewd strategist, co-inventor of the SLUDGER and the only entrant into the Order of the PURPLE DONKEY. His evil counterpart is PAGGYJOO. Last seen headed for the Serpens Nebula with a small army at his command (although he did make a 3 second cameo in the conflict with the A'D'R'K'TRETH'B'YKRENTSCHJ GODS). Legend has it upon his official return the skies will burn, the waters shall run red, and the CLAMS shall be fresh.
See also: NEUEVORPGS, Sludger, Paggyjoo, Purple Donkey Award.
Jaws: Big shark Richard Kiel Unreliable intergalactic portal to the R'GACK galaxy. YADSRUHT escaped through it, hotly pursued by the SHEAX, with a little help from the MF. RMA played a huge role by setting up a tourist attraction next to the portal and throwing rocks into it until it happened to collapse. His courageous inaction in the face of monumental adversity has not earned him a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD since the judge is still a bit bitter about the incident. He did, however, succeed in reopening the portal using the research of the mad MIRANU scientist GECHIV. The ADERKIES used it to create MIRROR SHIPS OF DOOM. The MF, via a PHASE Shifter, was able to create a subsidiary portal (a "Mouth") to the Aderkie realm, precipitating the end to that race.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Mirror Ships of Doom, Gechiv, Phase Technology, Purple Donkey Award, R'gack, RMA, Sheax, Yadsruht.
J'chev Jimferk: R'GAKC engineering chief. Actually a K-VISHNL-XHO/ADERKIE spy. Leaked copious amounts of information and sabotaged many ships before being exposed by BRIAN, Q, Gaidan, IAmCrazy, and The Viper.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Brian, K-vishnl-xho, Q, R'gakc.
Kaijyn: A MF pilot. Actually a disguised KYTARII general who infiltrated the MF during the Kytarii conflict. The resulting mole hunt erroneously tried DR. TOM as a traitor, which almost let him assassinate a key BOMBARRI diplomat. Fortunately, TANK GURRL was able to stop him in time. He then committed suicide. [Ed: Kaijyn is a key figure in the F-25 plugin, by Bombcat. Had anyone played it, they would have recognized the general and not fingered the Doctor. But them's the breaks, eh?]
See also: Bomaarii, Dr. Tom, Kytarii, Tank Gurrl.
Kane: First name Jacob. A charismatic, psychopathic, genocidal RENEGADE leader, he wishes to destroy the UE to end the constant wars they get humans into. To reach this goal, he unites the North Tip, South Tip, and Human Renegades in a fearsome coalition, and provides them with fiendish plots and awesome technology. Due to some rather pointless attacks on Renegades by the MF, Kane quickly declared us his enemy, and launched an awesome assault on the MF's bases, taking the NEW HOPE REFUGEE CENTRE, , retaking HREKKA STATION, damaging KIPPERDOM and destroying SLUDGER STATION. Currently kicking our hineys. Approach with caution, and for the love of Pete don't tick him off unless you've a nuke in your back pocket or something! [Ed.: this character is based on the villain from the Command and Conquer game series, Kane. He is totally heartless, cruel, and insane. About the only people worse than him are Stalin and Hitler. On the other hand he's sooooooo cool.]
See also: North Tip Station, Kipperdom, New Hope Refugee Centre, Sludger Station, Renegades, UE
Kenneth Stranahan: Former AEROTECH employee. Inventor of the SILICATES, he was released from the company under presumably unamicable circumstances. It is believed he later contacted the MF to upload a virus/upgrade/extension set/.exe/featurenotabug into the Silicates, which encouraged them to make with the biting and the hurting. He has disappeared, presumably to some far away planet where he is raising a mechanized army of doom or something.
See also: Aerotech, Silicates.
KB with AC: Acronym for Kodiak Bears with Ation Cannons. A long running joke instigated by ETIENNE, THURSDAY, and Q in the One-Sentence Wonder (part of the NEUEVORPGS).
See also: Etienne, Thursday, NEUEVORPGS, Q.
Keiran: MF pilot. Skilled in the use of sharp objects, and a fan of explosions, Keiran (in his own words) is actually a fairly dull pilot by MF standards. This could change, of course.
Kipperdom: MIRANU-constructed base given to the MF. Initially a high-technology centre, it was damaged in an attack by KANE (after being repaired from an earlier attack in MFV. *sigh*). MAD HATTER and RMA are believed to have secret laboratories here. ISA was involved in its financing. [Ed.: this may explain it's cursed luck.]
See also: Kane, Mad Hatter, RMA.
Krait: A type of spacecraft. Note its homonym, "crate." The latter is useful; the former is not. It is sad, but even the EMALGHANS, who make their ships of wood, have a tactical advantage over this aluminum boat. Yes, it has weapons. So does an ant. Yes, it is pretty fast. Compared to geological drift. Yes, it is well shielded. In fact, it can actually stop a well-lobbed foam pellet. The Krait is the most pathetic ship in the universe, and is a threat only to shuttlecraft with comatose pilots. About all they are good at is acting as a form of extremely expensive chaff, intercepting missiles for other craft. If you ever wish to go out with a whimper, this is your ride.
K-vishnl-xho:
[Ed: pronounced Kuh-vish-null-kso.] AKA Kvish, Kvishies. Alien
race inhabiting the R'GAKC galaxy. Resembled a series of legs
with a giant eyeball perched on top, and possessed some psionic
abilities. A few K-vishnl-xho have been known to have the ability
to pose as MF members? however, according to intelligence
reports, only the elite K-vishnl-xho (such as K-VISHNL-XHO-CHA-IN-J-LEKVITH
and K-VISHNL-XHO-CHA-VES-J-RESSERT) have this ability. The K-vishnl-xho
favor hordes of tiny ships, their fleets being composed of slivers,
gunboats (platforms for slivers), and battleships (bigger platforms
for slivers). For reasons unknown (likely "because it was
there") they destroyed the R'gakc homeworld, GAKC'NAVLIM.
Later, they dispatched the impossibly huge S'KRIMNVLLN to finish
off the R'gakc. After months of ground combat against the MF,
their forces crumbled. Their current status is unknown: they may
have made peace with the R'gakc and joined this universe, or they
may have died on the surface of LAKIF.
See also: Gakc'navlim, K-vishnl-xho-cha-in-j-lekvith, K-vishnl-xho-cha-ves-j-ressert, Laklif, R'gakc, S'krimnvlln.
K-vishnl-xho-cha-in-j-lekvith : [Ed: pronounced Kuh-vish-null-kso-cha-in-juh-lek-vith] Military head of the K-VISHNL-XHO. Very powerful physically, and has tuned his extensive telekinetic abilities towards combat. Although not a BALZER-like planner, he is not at all dim. Believed to have been killed in the destruction of the S'KRIMNVLLN.
See also: Balzer, K-vishnl-xho, S'krimnvlln.
K-vishnl-xho-cha-ves-j-ressert: [Ed: pronounced Kuh-vish-null-kso-cha-vess-juh-res-surt] Head of K-VISHNL-XHO Intelligence. Incredible telepathic and telekinetic abilites, able to pose as MF pilots, air, etc. He is nearly at BALZER'S level of IQ. On the surface of LAKLIF, he coordinated assaults against the crashed R'GAKC and MF forces. He was quite successful, until WOZ discovered the mind-reader could be thrown off-balance by really disturbing thoughts. Believed to have perished on the surface of Laklif.
See also: Balzer, K-vishnl-xho, Laklif, R'gakc, Woz.
Kytarii: Vicious race of aliens from the F-25 GALAXY. They possess extremely fast, well-shielded and armed ships, which they used to conquer the entire F-25 galaxy in the past. Their empire crumbled, however, allowing the BOMBARRI, CENTURIANS, XARNEZ, and QUERIN to fight back. The Kytarii later discovered the F-25 portal and zipped on through, giving the military forces of half this galaxy a heck of a fight before their assault force was overcome. They would also make about two billion attempts on the Bombarri Chancellor's life, the most ambitious being via their spy, KAIJYN. They eventually succeeded with an attack force of over a hundred ships. When the MF (in association with the Bombarri) infiltrated their government, it was discovered that the Kytarii planned to take back their empire in a big way, in the form of three ungodly huge Apocalypse Fleets. The MF and its allies would face these fleets and prevent them from taking over our universe, but leaving the F-25 galaxy at their mercy. All contact with the Kytarii was lost after the F-25 portal was closed.
See also: Bomaarii, Centurians, F-25, F-25 Galaxy, Kaijyn, Querin, Xarnez.
Lakliff: Homeworld to the LAKTHROFF and the sacred mimhogha plant. Inexplicably exploded after the MF attacked the mimhogha plants with a virus.
See also: Lakthroff.
Lakthroff: Shapeshifting, gooey race of creatures in the R'GAKC galaxy. Their homeworld is LAKLIF. They were an important subject race of the A'D'R'K'TRETH'B'YKRENTSCHJ. They lived beneath the surface of their world, worshiping the sacred mimhogha plant, and were ridiculously xenophobic. SECTION EIGHT and BRIAN discovered them after the MF, the R'gakc, and the KVISHIES crash-landed on the planet. The Lakthroff were rather angry, as Eight had dug through several holy herbs, and quickly demonstrated their deadly power: they could use their very world as an offensive weapon. Earthquakes and volcanoes decimated several MF ships before they could get off the ground. Later, their leader, DESTRAVAR, attempted to ascend to the level of the Aderkies, bearing an anti-BELLECHUBBY virus. To prevent this, Section Eight, MAD HATTER, and WOZ tried a bluff. Dispersing a herbicide designed to kill off the holy plants for a few minutes (and an anti-anti-Bellechubby virus), they offered the Lakthroff the health of their plants in exchange for their neutrality in the Aderkie conflict. They (of course) refused. Unfortunately, after the Aderkies materialized and vodka was sprayed everywhere, the virus somehow became permanent, killing the Lakthroff and detonating their planet, in the MF's first genocide. Ooops. Destravar joined the Aderkies at this point.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj
Gods,
Bellechubbies, Brian, Destravar, K-vishnl-xho, Laklif, Mad Hatter, R'gakc,
Section
Eight,
Woz.
Liz: Sister to Blazer. BALZER fell in love with her and wanted to marry her. Blazer, noticing Balzer had a tendency to kill people, refused to allow the marriage, and hid her away. Balzer later attacked Blazer and his new MF to get Liz. And there was much shooting of the guns and explosions. Then BEN came along, convinced Blazer to let Liz and Balzer get together, and everyone walked away happy. No word on what Liz's opinion is in the whole matter since no one remembered to ask. Oops.
See also: Balzer, Ben, Blazer.
Mad Hatter: Disciple of the Emperor-God JAGGYPOO. In appearance is a smallish black and yellow felinoid with a touch of Cheshire about it. During the absence of his Lord and Master, he has taken up the task of spreading the joys of nonsensicality throughout the Fleet with fanaticism. Believed to have invented the CREME SLUDGER, although BRIAN too claims this distinction. During the Blazer/Balzer conflict, negotiated between both sides as DIPLOMAT OF PEACE. He is one member of the R&D TEAM, and is an expert in PHASE Technology. In combat, he is usually seen wielding dual NVG-2000 with special nickel-tungsten-chromium fléchettes (butter knives). Nominated for and winner of a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD. What follows is a transcript of Hatter's award winning Operation: Illegal Parking:
*Hanger Bay of Blazers UE Cruisers*
"Okay ya monkeys! Load up the trash! Careful with the gerbils!" "Squeak eek ook eek ekk eeek" "Just hurry up! This operation begins when you're finished!"
*Bridge of the MF UE Cruiser "Blazer's small toy"*
"There's
Vonia folks! Be glad that the holo disguises are working on the
ships, and the Voinians actually believe we are Giant Ice Cream
men. Terribly nice of them to escort us."
"Oook eeek!"
"Yes, yes, Brilliant, isn't it?"
"OOOOOK EEEK EEEK OOOOOOK EEEK!!!!"
"Huh? The escorts leaving us? Probably got called to battle.
Lucky us."
"Eeeek ook"
Hatter's fleet
approached Voinia, looming dangerously close to the planet. (Very
low orbit) The Voinian officials looked up and saw gigantic ice
cream men smiling down at them from the heavens. There was much
rejoicing from the oppressed people upon the surface. The first
landing shuttle landed in the Vonia's equivalent of time square.
And out poked a yellow fury cat face grinning from ear to ear.
"Ork Banlk Yans drudt?" A young Voinian Child asked.
"Yes, I have brought ice cream." The Yellow cat replied,
"But you must help me first," he added. After much whispering
amongst the crowd Hatter had gotten what he had wanted. An encoded
message on frequency sent in micro-burst format was sent to Ice
Cream Man One: "Send the gerbils home." And thus the
Gerbils were sent home by the DDM's.
* Two hours later in the Voinian Prime ministers Office *
"So you want
me to..."
"Yes I do."
"You'll bring me the cheese whiz, right?"
"Of course my friend. I thank you for your cooperation."
And with that said the fury yellow cat left the office grinning
at his plan coming together so nicely.
*Three Hours later over the Vonia's North pole*
Chunk, crunch, grrriiiiiind griiiiind. Put-pupupupuupuuuput....VROOOOM! *Thump* The second UE Cruiser of the battle fleet "Slick Kitty" slowly nestled itself against the planet and started to push.
*Twelve hours later, on schedule, aboard the UE Carrier "Police car 54"*
"So where's
this illegally parked planet you keep telling me about. And for
another thing. Who are you?"
"I am just an informant." the short yellow furred masked
man said.
"Ohhh...okay." The police officer said looking out the
window at the fire hydrant floating in space.
* Fifteen minutes later*
"Holy mother
of Jaggy! Where'd that planet come from?"
"I told you there'd be an illegally parked planet there."
The masked cat stated as plainly as possible.
"Wow, this ticket will go down in history." The officer
exclaimed whilst his jaw plummeted to the floor and his pen started
scribbling out the ticket.
"Don't forget my ten percent."
"Trust me, I won't. Thanks mister, what's your name?"
"You need not know my name, just give me my money and I'll
be on my way."
"Right, here..." A bag of prestige sticks was handed
over to the Masked Yellow Man who just grinned and stepped out
into his shuttle craft.
In the aftermath, the Voinian government paid 3,200 prestige to the UE for having illegally parked Voinia. Hatter escaped with no criminal records and 320 prestige. The Voinian Prime minister got his shipment of 35 tons of cheese whiz delivered by the Mad Hatter Moving Company who arranged the parking space and made a net profit of 3,200 prestige from the UE government in payment for towing Voinia back into it's normal orbital path. Voinia is now backwards and upside down, because one of the DDM's read the re-parking plan upside down. The UE Government is currently down 320 prestige because a bookkeeper in the second level security area made a small miscalculation.
[Ed.: He gains this award in the most part because the editor screamed and yelled "It'll never work!" upon hearing the plan. Yes, Hatter, I have eaten crow, and it was stale, thank you very much.]
See also: Brian, Creme Sludger, Jaggypoo, Phase Technology,Purple Donkey Award, R&D Team.
Masked Pilot: Pseudonym used by pilot BEN while working for BALZER. He and DIPLOMAT OF PEACE were instrumental in ending the Blazer/Balzer conflict. However, as he had a distressing tendency of shooting at his MF colleagues, he was disliked. [Ed: actually, Ben did a pretty good job of not blowing his cover. He helped me plan assaults against Balzer, and even attacked the man head on. Devious little *censored*!]
See also: Balzer, Ben, Blazer, Diplomat of Peace.
McBlork: Humanoid race in the R'GAKC galaxy dominated by the ADERKIES. Several of their agents briefly infiltrated the MF, but, with the aid of WILDFIRE'S telepathy and BRIAN'S technology, they were quickly exposed ("Hi Bob! Remember what I told you yesterday?" "Umyes?" "Ah ha! I didn't tell you anything! *blam!*"). Merely a comma in the history of the universe.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Brian, R'gakc, Wildfire.
Mechanoids: Big meanies that beat on the VANNINGS until the MF help beat on them. Presumably mechanical in some way, they are definitely hostile. Not much is known about them. Sorry. Not to be confused with another race of the same name known by JAGGYPOO, which is a much bigger threat.
Mercenary Fleet [First]: At an undisclosed time in the past, the UNITED EARTH government formed a secret group of mercenary pilots under command of General Parrug. It consisted of Commander Bruce Tarek, Greg Derril, Captain BALZER, Lieutenant Issac Syff, and Lieutenant Blazer. They performed several black ops mission for the UE, many of which are still unknown, but included first contact with the ATION, infiltration of the STRAND governments, and assassinating a RENEGADE leader. Balzer would be expelled from the group after killing Derril, who had discovered Balzer had been selling UE secrets to the Voinians and Renegades. He fled before he could be tried, so Syff was prosecuted in his stead. The group was later disbanded after an unknown amount of operations. The MF would later acquire the top-secret mission files of this group. These are still being decoded.
See also: Ation, Balzer, Blazer, Strands, United Earth, Voinians.
Mike: MF pilot. Extremely significant in the history of the MF, he was the first to introduce the previously alien principles of leadership and tactics to the organization. For this, he was nominated for a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD. Disappeared and is sorely missed. [Ed.: if, by some incredible chance you have any idea where this fellow's run off to (France?), please send him the address of this site so he can drop us a line.]
See also: Purple Donkey Award.
Miranu: Race of scientists and merchants occupying the middle of the galaxy. They have trade links to the UE, the ZIDAGAR, and the IGAZDRA. Very friendly, with a distressing predilection for French Fries and Martha Stewart. Their business division is known as the Miranu Trade Confederation (MTC). Have little in the way of military might, relying on the ZACHA for their protection. As the MF has saved their behinds about a billion times, they are willing to lick our boots on command and are strong allies. They can provide technological and financial aid, but don't ask them to a fight unless you need cannon fodder. Set up the F-25 colony. [Ed: Ford Prefect wrote a string where the MTC took over Miranu space. As this string was not properly resolved, the author assumes the MTC returned control to the original government and sat around embarrassed when they realized what they did.]
See also: Igadzra, United Earth, Zacha, Zidagar.
Mirror Ships of Doom: Created by the A'D'R'K'TRETH'B'YKRENTSCHJ, these were anti-matter duplicates of any ship which passed through the JAWS. Each ship could only harm and be harmed by its original. Physical contact between both ships would cause their mutual destruction. THUNDER discovered they were vulnerable to PHASED Beamers, as they were out of phase with this universe. Research by the R&D Team produced Phase Shifters to make the ships vulnerable.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Thunder, Phase Technology, R&D Team.
Monkeyboy: Pilot in the MF. After investigating an unusual transmission from the Voop Nebula in the R'GAKC galaxy, he was temporarily possessed by ISVERSCHTAK, leader of the ADERKIES. After several missions he was rescued by WOZ (with some divine intervention from DR. TOM and JAGGYPOO), and Isverschtak exorcised by a member of SECTION EIGHT'S Krusaders. The R'gakc, predictably, showered Monkeyboy with accolades for his heroic imprisonment by the Aderkies. Monkeyboy later told the MF the Aderkies would be vulnerable to a SUBSPACE BOMB.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj
Gods,
Dr. Tom, Isverschtack, Jaggypoo, R'gakc, Section
Eight,
Subspace
Bomb,
Woz.
MF-B Universe: An alternate universe accessed via a vortex in the Yandros system. In it, humanity is divided into two political camps, the Confederation and the Rebels. Both have been devastated by the attacks of the RED aliens. Through great difficulty, they managed to contact the MF and enlist their aid in the conflict. After many battles, the MF managed to find an effective weapon against the Reds: tractor beams. Armed with the immobilizing technology, the Confederation and Rebels retook Earth, and are currently eliminating the last of the Reds from their universe. [Ed: this is actually a modified version of the setting of the original Escape Velocity game. In that one, the Confederation and Rebels defeated the Reds, and promptly started a civil war. The EVO plugin "Beyond the Crescent" suggests that the EVO universe is in fact the past version of the EV one.]
See also: Reds.
NEUEVORPGS: Acronym for Never-Ending Ultra Escape Velocity Role-Playing Game Story. Players attempt to write collective stories under various themes. Some have been quite successful (Strike Force) while others have not (Big Battle). The original NEUEVORPGS topic is theoretically a good way to catch up on MF history, as standing in a room filled with hydrogen and oxygen while holding a lit match is theoretically a good way to take a bath. Regrettably, most of these masterpieces were lost in the site changeover.
New Hope Refugee Centre: Established by BRIAN following the inexplicable devastation by apparently MF forces of the planet Gorky. [Ed.: this occurred, or did not occur, as the case may be, in the failed timeline of MFV.] It is neutral ground for displaced beings from across the galaxy; the MF itself has no official connections to it. Although devastated during an attack by KANE, it will soon retain its former glory with the effort of viewers like you. Call now to donate.
North Tip Station: RENEGADE outpost captured in an effort by CAPTAIN VINCIENT. After leaving it to collect dust for a few months, the MF then ticked off KANE, who recaptured the base. Great
See also: Captain Vincient, Kane, Renegade.
Operation Drum Beat: Second operation of the MF. Under the auspices of the UE, the MF intercepted a large VOINIAN convoy. In this conflict, the first Silver Cross (then Flying Cross) was awarded to the Robotech wing for taking out a Voinian cruiser. This operation lead into Operation Drum Roll.
See also: Operation Drum Beat, UE, Voinian.
Operation Drum Roll: Third operation of the MF. With arms assistance from the EMALGHANS, the MF wings Rogue (lead by WEDGE ANTILLES), Wraith, Dragon, Raptor (lead by Andy), Claw (lead by THURSDAY), and Crescent Fury (lead by Hardware) conducted a dangerous reconnaissance of a VOINIAN supply depot. For this, they have been nominated for a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD. This reconnaissance revealed the existence of the DREAD STAR. This lead into the next two missions, Silent Fury and Dread Star, which you can sodding well read for yourself.
See also: Dread Star, Emalghans, Purple Donkey Award, Thursday, Voinians, Wedge Antilles.
Otter: MF wing leader noted as the co-inventor of the SLUDGER (along with JAGGYPOO). Being an otter, he is a frequent victim of CLAMS.
See also: Clams, Jaggypoo, Sludger.
Ostons: One of the first previously undiscovered races encountered by the MF. Mostly peaceful, they had the misfortune of being neighbors to the warlike ENTONS, resulting in angst. The MF helped them move to a friendlier planet, and, as a result, they are staunch supporters of the Fleet. [Ed: because they are peaceniks, this alliance is basically useless.] They are somewhat responsible for the defense of the AZERS.
Outpost Bourbon: Small base given to the MF after TRINITY was done with it. As they took all their technologies and scientists with them, the base is basically useless, although it could be rented out to MIRANU skiers or something.
Outpost Vodka: Shipyard orbiting Iothe captured in an effort led by JAGGYPOO. Currently the most advanced technology centre possessed by the MF, it can produce several different types of ships. Of all the MF bases, this is likely the most important.
See also: Jaggypoo.
Paggyjoo: Evil counterpart to JAGGYPOO. In appearance, a pink rabbit with horn-rimmed glasses, a pocket calculator, a shirt with a picture of Albert Einstein and numerous equations upon it, and a placard reading "Don't Drink and Pilot." He is totally serious, totally sober, and totally boring. Oddly enough, Jaggypoo (and indeed, anyone who can swing a fist) seems to have no problems ordering Paggyjoo around; it is surmised the former permits the existence of the latter for his own entertainment. Paggyjoo (and his superior, Amon Ra) seemed to have some nominal alliance with the ADERKIES, but Jaggypoo and DR. TOM appeared to have dissolved it. In alcohol, of course.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Dr. Tom, Jaggypoo.
Permeation: Unnatural phenomenon initiated by the A'D'R'K'TRETH'B'YKRENTSCHJ GODS. Resembled a mist that spread at a rapid pace throughout space, incorporating any sentient life forms it encountered into the Aderky mind. Once the entire universe had succumbed to it, the Permeation would elevate the Aderkies to a higher plane of existence. This process was protested by the MF, who thought there should be an opting out provision for sapients not ready to leave this plane. Through use of BELLECHUBBIES, alcohol, and ultimately a SUBSPACE BOMB, the process was halted, but not before it incorporated an unknown amount of the R'GAKC galaxy.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Bellechubbies, R'gakc, Subspace Bomb
Phase Technology: Science believed invented by the MIRANU easily applied to weapons technology; classic examples are the Phase Cannon and ZIDAGAR Phased Beamer. The R&D TEAM has exploited this science on at least two occasions. In the conflict with the HEMENVAG, MAD HATTER created a Temporal Phase Field Distorter to nullify both Hemenvag weaponry and the portal from whence they came. In the ADERKIE conflict, a Phase Shifter was made to combat the evil MIRROR SHIPS OF DOOM. [Ed: players are reminded these deux est machinas were one-shot deals.]
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj
Gods,
Mad Hatter, Miranu, Mirror Ships of Doom, Hemenvag, R&D
Team,
Zidagar.
Purple Donkey Award: "Coveted" award for magnificent achievements in the annals of kamakazie stupidity. Several levels of achievement are available.
Nomination: Received
for performing an act of noticeable stupidity, nonsensical nature,
insane bravery and/or cleverness or just plain coolness. Current
recipients include:
· Beigejaguar33, for consistently spending upwards of 5
hours in the chat room nonstop.
· BRIAN, for spending even longer.
· MAD HATTER, for inventing the Temporal Phase Field Distorter
in the HEMENVAG conflict.
· Blazing Suns and Silent Knights wings, for courageously
and independently going up against the
apparently invincible RED ALIENS to cover their allies escapeand
succeeding!
· FORD PREFECT, for being the first wing to charge into
battle, resulting in his almost complete (but
glorious) decimation, and the honor of firing the very first shot
made under the MF banner.
· DR. TOM, for starting the first ever player-initiated
special operation and being the first to use and be
killed by Strike.
· MIKE, for being the first person to successfully organize
and carry out a coordinated attack with
multiple wings
· Lone Voinian, for his attempted takeover of Outpost Topel.
The outpost had recently upgraded its
defense from a few shuttles to a few VOINIAN Cruisers. Lone Voinian
had upgraded to Crescent
Fighters. Ouch.
· THURSDAY, for a jaw-dropping plot twist in Mission #74.
· Rogue (lead by WEDGE ANTILLES), Wraith, Dragon, Raptor
(lead by Andy), Claw (lead by Thursday),
and Crescent Fury (lead by Hardware) wings for conducting reconnaissance
on a Voinian base and
getting out alive (despite BLAZER'S intention that not everyone
survive).
· WOZ, for hiding the BOMBARRI Chancellor on board his
vessel, extending the diplomat's life span by
several missions.
Purple Donkey:
Received for performing an act of noticeable stupidity, nonsensical
nature, insane bravery and/or
cleverness or just plain coolness which is widely publicized,
which places the performer in extreme
physical danger, and brings benefit to the Fleet as a whole (entertainment
value counts). Current recipients
include:
· BRIAN, for extraordinary perseverance in the face of
total ignorance, and the establishment of the
NEW HOPE REFUGEE CENTRE.
· CAPTAIN VINCENT, for his infamous takeover of North Tip
Station.
· ETIENNE, for his excessive seven-phase Rainbow-Six-esque
plan to repair a television set.
· FORD PREFECT, for Operation: Sardonic Madness, where
he launched insidious insults at the
KYTARII menace, resulting in his kidnapping and near extermination.
· MAD HATTER, for Operation: Illegal Parking.
· SECTION 8, for the excessively detailed COUNCIL Station
infiltration plan (formulated after playing
too much Metal Gear Solid), the first of many to come.
· THUNDER, for his contributions to the anti-S'KRIMVELLN
plan.
Order
of the Purple Donkey: The highest honor. Recipients much meet
the requirements to receive a Purple Donkey on multiple occasions,
and embody the virtue of insanity, bravery, cleverness, or stupidity.
· The only inductee into the Order at present is JAGGYPOO.
His many achievements include obtaining
E-Sphere technology from the ENTONS, the construction of OUTPOST
VODKA and SLUDGER STATION,
outsmarting BALZER with a decoy attack, forging an alliance with
the QUERIN, and creating the M-Rail
weapon. [Ed: basically, Jaggy ticked off Balzer enough so that
he'd break out his "big guns", despite
the warnings I kept screaming at him. Jaggy gave Balzer the impression
he would attack a certain
Voinian system so he would divert forces there. Jaggy then attacked
a different system, only to discover
ships there as well. He then went to his first (of many) backup
plans, shooting an insult at them and
retreating. This sharply reduced the number of ships the MF had
to face in its next battle, and caused
my jaw to drop.]
· Woz has been made an unofficial member of the Order,
as, under the influence of Section Eight, he
certainly embodies the traits of insanity and bravery. However,
as he has never actually received a
Purple Donkey Award, he does not officially qualify.
· Section Eight probably could be in here, but the judges
don't feel like it.
The Purple Donkey Awards were created and are managed by Section 8. [Ed: in the long run, the Purple Donkey, like it's counterpart, the Purple Heart, is not a healthy award to shoot for.]
See also: Balzer, Blazer, Bomaarii, Brian, Captain Vincent, Dr. Tom, Entons, Etienne, Ford Prefect, Hemenvag, Jaggypoo, Mad Hatter, Outpost Vodka, Querin, Section Eight, Skrimvelln, Sludger Station, Thunder, Thursday, Wedge Antilles, Woz.
Q: MF pilot. Part inventor of KB W/ AC, he was genetically engineered by some group [Ed.: ask players about Shore Leave for more]. Formerly known as Quetzalcóatl, and presumably changed his name to avoid any theological lawsuits. Unfortunately, is not John de Lancie.
See also: KB w/ AC.
Querin: Race in the F-25 GALAXY, they are actually an offshoot of the KYTARII which rebelled against the ruling government. As a result, they tend to be a bit paranoid and violent. In appearance, they're dark grey, with jagged horns along their jaw, cunning and rough looking. They wear sleek, powerful looking body armor with jagged claws, and speak with a reptilian accent. They control a large area of space beyond the Great Expanse nebula, and have several revolutionary factions hidden in Kytarii space. The MF first encountered them on a deep space exploration mission of the F-25 galaxy. Relations with them were improved when the MF rescued an important Querin official from a Kytarii prison. JAGGYPOO, after extensive negotiations, managed to forge an alliance with them. Querin vessels are probably the most horrifically beweaponed ships in space-time, with the possible exception of a BORG cube. A small group of Querin live in the F-25 colony today, contact with the rest of their race lost when the portal was closed.
See also: Borg, Kytarii, F-25, F-25 Galaxy, Jaggypoo.
R&D Team: Loose affiliation of technically skilled MF pilots. Principle members are MAD HATTER, RMA, and SECTION EIGHT. Other occasional members include ETIENNE (for his work with cloning technology), THURSDAY (for his work with JAGGYPOO talismans), Jaggypoo (for his M-Rail), and BRIAN (for his Holo-Brians and work with SUBSPACE BOMBS). The R&D Team can generally be relied upon to produce implausible and impractical scientific solutions to everyday problems (such as how to stop Race A from killing Race B). Have permanent labs at KIPPERDOM, although Eight prefers his ship-based labs since Kipperdom tends to get shot at.
See also: Brian, Etienne, Jaggypoo, Kipperdom, Mad Hatter, RMA, Section Eight, Subspace Bomb.
Reds: Powerful race of aliens found in the MF-B UNIVERSE. Their true name and political alignment is not known. [Ed: they are believed to be communist-facist-anarcist-socialist-spiritualist-Microsoftians.] Their ships are organic and red, armed with Seeker Drones and fusion beams that really, really hurt. Their shield regeneration rivals that of the Azdgari. In the MF-B Universe they laid the smack-down on the puny humans until the MF came along and discovered their weakness. Holding their manoeuverable ships in tractor beams, they were able to neutralize their powerful forward-mounted fusion beams and wear the Reds down with sustained fire. Armed with this new knowledge, the humans began to repel the Reds. [Ed: tractor beams are also an excellent way of bringing down the Reds in the original EV. Just don't expect to do it quickly.]
See also: MF-B Universe.
Renegades: Generic name for the space pirates of this galaxy. Come in three flavors.
· Human: Found southeast of UE space. Use Turncoats, Helians, and, most importantly, KRAITS. This should give you a good idea as to their threat level. Huge gatherings of these Renegades can be a threat when they use the Needle Storm tactic, launching billions of Needle Missiles and nickle and diming their opponents to death. There is no more embarrassing way to beat someone up. This tactic is easily countered through use of a Needle Jammer. Because we have vaporized them on innumerable occasions, they are hostile. KANE has exacerbated this.
· South Tip Renegades: Found in the southern tip of the CRESCENT, south of the Proxima Nebula. Use Aradas, Laziras, Crescents, and Crescent Warships. Usually under-experienced, but due to their numbers and technology they put up a decent fight. Not friendly.
· North Tip Renegades: Like the South Tip except in the North Tip. Since the MF once took over one of their space stations (North Tip Station), it is safe to assume that they'd tear our lungs out given the chance.
See also: Crescent, Kane, Krait, United Earth.
R'gakc: [Ed: pronounced err-GAK] Alien race after which the R'gack galaxy was dubbed. In appearance, they were basically large mutant squids. Their race has been on the run ever since the K-VISHNL-XHO detonated their homeworld, GAKC'NAVLM. J'urr, a R'gakc representative, contacted the MF and acquired numerous wings to fight the R'gakc's archnemesis. The R'gakc were quite friendly, although they had two distressing cultural practices. One was the assumption everyone in the galaxy knew exactly how R'gakc customs dictated they should behave, and the lethal consequences of breaking these customs. The other was the ID vomit, where the R'gakc would identify another life form by splattering ectoplasm all over it. As a MF pilot could be expected to meet several R'gack in a day, things got rather messy. Technologically, the R'gakc have lost much of their knowledge, but still retained enhanced shield regenerators and cloaking devices. These technologies are currently under study by MF scientists. Besides saving their squishy behinds, another benefit the R'gakc received from their alliance with the MF was SLUDGERS, which they are now addicted to. <sarcasm> R'gakc society appeared to revere prisoners of war, as demonstrated by the sizeable rewards received by THURSDAY and MONKEYBOY following their incarcerations. Those who rescue such prisoners at astronomical risk to life and limbs tend to get little more than a cold tentacle. </sarcasm> When last seen, the R'gakc had left their home galaxy and were seeking UE membership.
See also: Gakc'navlm, K-vishnl-xho, Monkeyboy, Thursday, UE.
RMA: MF pilot of generalized technological genius. A member of the R&D TEAM, he continued the research of GECHIV in order to reopen the JAWS.
See also: Gechiv, Jaws, R&D Team.
Sasha: Information broker located on (of all the places) Kelmaon, an EMALGHAN world, possibly for tax reasons, likely for the alcohol. Informed the MF about the VOINIAN Energy Sphere weapon, and was gracious enough to sell us one of the ENTON conversion kits to make it. She later helped out against the Ation, providing decoy E-Spheres courtesy MicroSphere (after a "woman to woman" talk with TANK GURRL). Presumably is still on Kelmaon and available for consultation, assuming she isn't drunk.
See also: Emalghan, Entons, Tank Gurrl, Voinians.
Section 8: Pilot in the MF, as well as a weapons developer and strategist. Member of the R&D TEAM. Became famous (i.e. egotistical) after successfully infiltrating COUNCIL Station. Thereafter, he took it upon himself to crank out battle strategies and sneak into top-secret places whenever the opportunity presented itself. Being a strategist, he butted heads many time against BALZER, who considered him a worthy opponent. Eight seems to have the same mental state as MAD HATTER and JAGGYPOO. Recently, in the conflict with the ADERKIES, his plans were responsible for the genocide of the LAKTHROFF and the Aderkies themselves, for a total of around 60 quintillion deaths. Needless to say, he is slightly perturbed by this. Winner of a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD, and also its chairperson. [Ed: I'm the editor, in case you didn't notice. Also, Eight will become a major figure in an upcoming novel I'm writing, to be released sometime after the sun becomes a lump of coal.]
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Balzer, Jaggypoo, Lakthroff, Mad Hatter, Purple Donkey Award, R&D Team.
Sheax: Militaristic and extremist organization opposed to TRINITY. Lead by one Natas (cousin of Reficul and Bubeezleeb, presumably), it was formed by several unscrupulous UE generals to sabotage the STRANDS to facilitate a UE invasion force. Natas also mentioned something about everyone bowing down to the "master race" and "his kampf." Sheax had plans to lure the Strands into a massive battle at Gadzir, but was foiled by the actions of YADSRUHT.
Silicates: Type of android created by AEROTECH. Artificially intelligent, they are designed to look and act precisely as humans, intended to work in jobs too dangerous for the carbon-based units (the first were released as crossing guards). Invented BY KENNETH STRANAHAN, who would later be released from the company, they malfunctioned and made with the maiming and the hitting after the MF uploaded a disk into the Aerotech mainframe. It is believed this disk was made by Stranahan, as a disgruntled attempt to get back at his employers. It is uncertain if the Silicates were merely reprogrammed to kill everything, or whether they gained some form of sentience from the disk. Either way, they have mysteriously disappeared, and will likely pop up eventually wielding axes and reciting the Robot National Anthem ("Oh Silaconia! We stand for CRUSH KILL DESTROY CRUSH KILL DESTROY").
See also: Aerotech, Kenneth Stranahan.
S'krimnvlln: Impossibly huge K-VISHNL-XHO mega-cruiser, dispatched to annihilate the R'GAKC scum once and for all. THURSDAY was held prisoner on-board for several missions. A magnificently complex assault plan was needed to bring it down (see THUNDER). [Ed.: killAkron] It crash-landed on the planet of the LAKTHROFF (intact!), and was only completely destroyed after some major geological activity.
See also: K-vishnl-xho, Lakthroff, R'gakc, Thunder, Thursday.
Sludger: Highly potent chemical of uncertain composition and almost infinite uses. Scientific studies by intoxicated hamsters have revealed it can be successfully employed as a disinfectant, explosive, shoe polish, salt substitute, fusion reactor coolant, political lobbyist, and beverage. Most life forms lacking duranium stomachs have reported side effects after drinking it, however, such as dizziness, the ability to see through time and spontaneous combustion. As a result, it is an extremely popular drink in the Fleet. Believed to have been invented by the OTTER and JAGGYPOO during a discussion on the ENTON'S toxic waste difficulties.
See also: Creme Sludger, Otter, Jaggypoo.
Sludger Station: Outpost constructed from the remains of the DREAD STAR by JAGGYPOO. It is only lightly armed, but as it usually has several gigatonnes of explosives on board attacking it would be a monumentally stupid idea. Which is why, of course, Kane decided to attack and oblitherate it. Should Jaggy find out about this it is likely many gizzards will be shredded.
See also: Dread Star, Jaggypoo, Kane.
Spam Wars: Legendary MF civil war back in its very early days, during the time of the Great Absence. Little is known about the specifics of this chaotic time, but it is known DR. TOM, OTTER, Constantine, JAGGYPOO, and BARON FEL figured into it. There were three major conflicts, cumulating in the Return of the Prophet. [Ed.: Here we go. In the first summer of the RPG, Blazer went on a vacation for around two weeks. The players mentioned got the brilliant idea of competing against each other to see who could get the most posts. In the resulting cataclysm, thousands upon thousands of useless messages were posted, quadrupling the size of the message board and driving several people quite mad. Blazer was not happy upon his return, and promptly nuked the whole mess. Two other Spam Wars followed, but neither was as severe as the first.]
See also: Baron Fel, Dr. Tom, Jaggypoo, Otter.
Strands: Collective name for the AZDGARI, IGAZDRA, and the ZIDAGAR. They may have all been linked at some point (possibly via the COUNCIL), but long ago started shooting the smeg out of each other. This Strand War has lasted for centuries and doesn't appear to be ending any time soon. Pilots should note that allying with any one Strand will ostracize the other two.
See also: Azdgari, Council, Igadzra, Zidagar.
Strandless: Collective name for all outcasts from the three STRANDS. They are mostly found in the south of the CRESCENT, near the South Tip RENEGADES. Because of their diverse ethnic backgrounds, the Strandless could very well be the most technologically advanced race in the galaxy, if it were not for their lack of organization and poverty. The Kayans are a military faction in Strandless space of some influence. Perhaps the most important group, however, is TRINITY.
See also: Crescent, Renegades, Strands, Trinity.
Subspace Bomb: Massively powerful device, the effects of which extend into the subspace realm. Invented by a UE scientist Martin Gruber (who once hit on wing leader WILDFIRE), it was used by the desperate Terrans on the VOINIANS. The resulting explosion swapped the positions of the Svass and Voinia systems, scrambled local hyperlinks, and killed over a billion Voinians. Every race in the galaxy (including the Fuzzes, in all probability) has about a billion laws outlawing it, which, of course, suggests every race has at least one of these sitting around in secret. The MF discovered a device of this nature would be needed to stop the ADERKIES, and soon figured out Gruber was selling them disguised as AI toilets. Plans for the bomb were purchased, and Gruber was contract-bound never to make another subspace bomb. Later research found a mysterious substance called Eightieite could not only shield the bomb from scans, but also eliminate its deleterious effects on hyperspace. After its use against the Aderkies, it was determined the technology was far too dangerous to leave in the hands of irrational trigger-happy militants (possibly the MF). All plans for the technology were deleted, and the only remaining copy secreted on the planet of the VOKAZTYK.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Voinians, Vokaztyk, UE, Wildfire.
Tank Gurrl: Pilot in the MF, and the first Empress of JAGGYPOO. [Ed: don't ask.] Known for her take no guff attitude, being the first female pilot in the MF, and for stopping the assassin, KAIJYN. May or may not be related to ANTK GURRL. [Ed: also was a co-administrator at one time. Has since left, but may yet return.]
See also: Antk Gurrl, Jaggypoo, Kaijyn.
Thunder: Veteran MF pilot and winner of a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD for his and SECTION EIGHT'S plan to attack the S'KRIMVELLN, shown here.
Operation Noisy Thief:
Objectives: A) Rescue Thursday and whoever the fudge Gary is. B) Capture or destroy the S'krimvelln, after retreiving computer information. C) Prepare for rescue of Brian and company. [Sorry, not enough people-power.]
Atilla, with his tremendous reputation in the R'gakc galaxy, pleads with Gespenkwiryth to lend us a few ships/commandoes next mission to retreive Brian and co, reminding him of the extreme risk they took to retrieve him.
One of Gaiden's Iggy Aradas is outfitted with a cloak, either the one Q used or one Hatter brought with him or one Eight constructs A-Team style out of a roll of duct tape, a cheese sandwich and a particle accelerator. The commando team is composed of Q, Eight, Hatter, Pete, and IamCrazy. Each is armed with silenced machine guns loaded with flechette ammo coated with animezine-B combined with jymekthesine. Q had earlier discovered the K-vishies were "susceptible" to this combination. The flechettes will break up in the bodies of the K-vishies after impact, distributing it. If this enzyme doesn't kill them, the other 9823 shots they're hit with will. Also, each has exactly one Cave-In Tripwire mine (patent number 23427989798911, Eight, Section). Activated when a spider web- like strand (super thin, hard to see, gives off no radiation detectable) stretched across the corridor is broken, it fills 100 meters cubed of corridor with a foam-like substance, which hardens within moments to the viscosity of steel. This will make the hall rather impassible and will present problems for anyone caught in the blast radius. Each member is also equipped with a psi-dampner, a bandoleer of fragmentation grenades, and thermal goggles (as we all know, cloaked people are visible via their heat signatures. Or are you disputing Metal Gear Solid?). Q has the Bio-Dampner in his combat armor; Pete and Crazy have similar outfits. Eight and Hatter are wearing customized Ungodly-Heavily-Armed-Planetary-Assault-Combat-Armors (UHAPACAs), with EMP shielding, independent oxygen supplies, built-in sensors, theft-deterrent system (electrifies on contact) and thrusters. Hatter is armed with his classic dual NG-202 rail guns with underslung grenade launchers added, a boombox, and a disco ball. Eight is armed with a D-Gun, a plasma flame thrower, and a modified space mine strapped to his back.
Gaiden, under cloak, drops Eight and Hatter off in the middle of the ship, and then heads to Thursday's location. Eight and Hatter have 2 goals: 1. obtain data from K-vishie's computer core 2. distract security When Eight and Hatter crunch onto the S'krimvelln, Hatter turns on the boombox. It blasts out 118 decibels of Du Hast by Rammenstein, the 1812 Overture by Tchichovsky, and Sounds of 100 Cats With Pots Tied To Them Running Through A Mine Field During An Intergalactic Space Shuttle Launch by Bob. Simultaneously. The disco ball is also playing funky lighting over everything. This cacophony should attract attention. Eight and Hatter also take the care to shoot indiscriminately on their way to the computer core. Note that Hatter's guns collectively shoot 400 rounds/second or so and the D-Gun was the most powerful weapon in a game called Total Annihilation (ask Beige for a description of it's effects). This racket should attract security from all over the ship.
Whilst the distraction is occurring, Gaiden ferries Q and the gang over to Thursday's location and drops them off.
The trio march in stealthily, with Q in the middle, Crazy in front, Pete behind. They are all using their thermal goggles, and will stick close together. Hopefully, the bio-dampner will have something of a field effect and cover them all up. They proceed to Thurday's cell, using minimal force and maximum running, break him out (with explosives if needed, and escort him back to Gaiden's ship. Gaiden then books it to Gary's position.
Upon their return, two things will happen.
For one, Eight and Hatter will have hopefully reached the computer core. Eight will begin downloading the data, setting off every alarm in the system and bringing muchos security forces to their area. Hatter will cover the door (if multiple, the remainder are armed with Cave-In Mines).
For two, the Annoying Tick squadron will jump in on the side of the ship Thursday was on. This consists of: Woz, armed with the M-Rail. Akron, acting as a mine-reloading platform (BlueFlame if unavailable; will reload by having people on the hull attach the mines to passing fighters). HESS, Atilla, Viper, Vincent, JG, Blueflame protecting Woz and Akron. Thunder, RMA, two E-Spheres (if available) acting as A Feather Duster. Eight's ships and Hatter's, armed with mines and mine launchers, acting as Headache Inducers. Immediately upon entering the system, Woz rips off all weapons and the M-Rail, Headache Inducers and Feather Duster set off, the HESS is activated. Feather Duster takes the shots and eliminates the shards directed at Headache, which screams in and unleashes about 15 mines. This process is repeated for a long time.
The S'krimvelln and her crew are now thoroughly distracted.
Gaiden drops off Q and company by Gary. They move in and rescue using the previous strategy. Note that there should be so much going on they won't even be noticed. Gary is rescued.
Eight, after getting all the data he can, hooks into the comm system, and, via a universal translator, delivers the following message:
"Gleetings dishonorable things. I am Hans, and this is Frans, and we represent the Intergalactic Society of Pyromaniacs. Our agents are even now pounding the excrement out of your ship. We are now planting an explosive device in your computer core. It will go off in 5 minutes, and will detonate sooner should anyone enter this room. This will cause problems for your ship, and possible skin irritation. We suggest you evacuate."
Eight clunks the mine on the ground and activates it. After he and Hat leave, firing all the way, the proximity sensor activates and the timer starts up. They move their way back to the drop-off point.
Gaiden, using incredible piloting finess, flies 2 cm away from the hull to avoid weapons to pick up Eight and Hatter.
Eight and Hatter use their thrusters to fly into space to await pickup.
In the unlikely event that the S'krimvelln has been abandoned/is disabled, we celebrate and tow it home. In the more likely event that they refuse to surrender, the mine goes off. Remember: 1. Mine go boom biiiiiiig. I'd say maybe about 2 cubic kilometer blast radius at least. 2. It's next to the computer core. 3. Shields and armor are on the outside, not the inside, of ships. This explosion will decimate a very large chunk of the S'krimvelln's interior, possibly disabling it entirely. If not, Headache continues blasting away. All wings should be on Strike.
Section 8(w/ large contributions from Thunder)
See also: Section 8, Skrimvelln, Purple Donkey Award.
Thursday: MF pilot. Part inventor of the KB W/ AC, Thurday lead a typically uneventful life (by MF standards) until he was captured while investigating the K'VISH megaship S'KRIMVELLN. After languishing in prison for longer than Nelson Mandela, he was freed in a brilliant assault perpetrated by SECTION EIGHT and THUNDER. The R'GACK then considered him a super-star [Ed.: no, don't thank the blokes who made the killer plan, nope nope*mutter mutter*] and buried him under a mound of prestige. [Ed.: Thursday has been nominated for a Purple Donkey Award for his awesome writing in Mission #74. Go read it. Now!]
See also: KB w/ AC, K'vish, Purple Donkey Award, R'gakc, Section Eight, Skrimvelln.
Trinity: Group of STRANDLESS scientists. Surprisingly, they have no political agenda, seeking only the opportunity to build really nifty technologies. The MF originally encountered them via a fake UE mission. Soon, they were recruited to extort some high-technology devices from the AZDGARI, the IGAZRDA, and the ZIDAGAR. During these acquisitions, interference was encountered from the SHEAX. The leader of Trinity, one YADSRUHT [Ed.: no relation to Thurday, nope nope], somehow managed to get a hold of the detonation codes for Sheax's ultimate kill-all-the-Strands device, and surrenders himself to them in order to protect Trinity. However, with a little help from the MF, he manages to escape the Sheax and enter the JAWS. No word on where he ended up. Trinity later provided the MF with a spiffy new ship: the Intrepid.
See also: Azdgari, Igazrda, Jaws, Sheax, Strandless, UE, Zidagar.
United Earth [UE]: Generally democratic government managing Human space. Explored the galaxy, met the VOINIANS, fought them, drew up a cease-fire. UE technology is fairly average, but they do possess the UE Rocket, one of the most powerful conventional weapons in existence. The UE is believed to have performed several questionable acts in its past, many of which were done by the MERCENARY FLEET [FIRST]. It is not known if they are still doing such things. Regardless, the UE are strong supporters of the MF, and can be relied on to come to our aid.
See also: Mercenary Fleet [First], Voinians.
Vanning: Race found in the lower leftish side of the galaxy. Technologically advanced with biological ships. The MF saved one of their officials and quickly became involved in their war with the MECHANOIDS. After squishing them, the Vannings threw some ships at the MF and went away. Vanning weapons are wonderful little things. Both anti-shield and anti-armor, a person with a Vanning ship can take on almost anything. The Vannings should be considered friendly towards the MF, but might not be able to assist us until the Mechanoids are dealt with. [Ed: for more on this, ask Mad Hatter about MF-Wussy Baby.]
See also: Mechanoids.
Voinians: Semi-hostile race east of UNITED EARTH space. Imperialists, they seek out and conquer territory, and have already enslaved several races. The EMALGHA, to the north, have successfully held them off, as has the United Earth. They warred with the UE for several years before a cease-fire, which still holds today (technically). BALZER manipulated them into attacking the UE, and they would've crushed the puny humans if he hadn't backstabbed them. They made the rather stupid move of kidnapping LIZ, but Balzer quickly retrieved her and vanished into the unknown. The Voinians would draw up an official alliance with the UE when the HEMENVAG attacked, resulting in the creation of the Voinian Warbird. Voinian ships are very slow, with weak shields but mile thick armor. As a result, VANNING ships cut through them like a hot katana through pork fat. It is interesting to note that the weapons of most of the universe are anti-shield, and therefore laughable to Voinian ships. The MF Voinian Warbird is thus nigh-invulnerable in the CRESCENT. Currently, the Voinians are at best ambivalent towards the MF; we did help them against the Hemenvag, but we did blast the snot out of them in the past. Approach with caution.
See also: Balzer, Crescent, Emalgha, Hemenvag, Liz, United Earth, Vanning.
Vokal: Name for VOKAZTYK whom were conquered by the A'D'R'K'TRETH'B'YKRENTSCHJ GODS. With the end of the Aderkies, the free Vokaztyk have presumably rescued their comrades from their forced bondage, unless, of course, the Vokal had been hit by the PERMEATION and nuked by the MF's SUBSPACE BOMB. Ooops.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Permeation, Subspace Bomb, Vokaztyk.
Vokaztyk: AKA Party Animals of the Multiverse. In appearance are limbed blue spheres 1/6th of a meter tall. Extremely intelligent, they are the only race known to have successfully rebelled against the A'D'R'K'TRETH'B'YKRENTSCHJ GODS, and established a telepathic shield around their planet their slavers could not penetrate. The Vokaztyk devote their lives to partying and having fun, a doctrine so in sync with the teachings of JAGGYPOO it is likely the god may have had a hand in their liberation. They adore all crazy music, but have a distressing predilection for all 21st century pop-star mega-hits. This is embodied in the music gun they donated to the MF, which was capable of blasting out every song they knew at +500 decibels (even in a complete vacuum, oddly enough). This technology, along with all details of BELLECHUBBIES and SUBSPACE BOMBS, were entrusted to the Vokaztyk for the safety of the universe. Not only would they never use such immoral technologies themselves, their defenses are strong enough to repel any attackers. Moreover, any invaders who actually reached the surface would commit seppuku upon realization of how blasted cheery and teeny-bopper the place is. Ugh.
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Bellechubbies, Jaggypoo, Subspace Bomb.
Xarnez: Friendly race found in the F-25 GALAXY that broke free from KYTARII rule. Trade partners with the BOMBARRI, little is actually known about them. It is known that their ships are fantastic, with multiple weapon systems and the ability to cloak several ships at once. Contact with their government was lost after the portal was closed, but a few Xarnez refugees do reside in the F-25 colony. [Ed: in the plugin, the Xarnez claim to have problems with Kytarii raiders. Because each of their ships is equipped with multiple turrets, super shields, fighters, and missiles capable of nuking most players in one hit, one can only speculate as to why.]
See also: Bomaarii, F-25, F-25 Galaxy, Kytarii.
Wedge Antilles: The first pilot to sign up to join the MF, and commander of Rogue Squadron. Originally from a galaxy far, far away, he and his wing originally arrived in this universe after an accident involving a black hole, a finicky hyperspace motivator, a prawn vindaloo and some small, green, Yoda-like thing. An ardent fighter pilot, he built a wing of elite Voinian Interceptors, switched to Manta-X1s during the MF-B Universe missions, and later built up a wing of elite Kytarri Fighters. In later missions, he has manifested the powers of a Jedi Knight (due to repeated exposure to radiation) and built one of those flashy light-sticks that go "fwoosh, whooooom, wooom woom" and such.
WildFire: MF pilot and accomplished ninja/psionic. Currently bonded to a set of mystical "armor" of unknown origin, which has extended her lifespan by about a hundred thousand years. Has been dubbed "Empress" by Jaggypoo.
See also: Jaggypoo.
Woz: AKA 00Woz. Ultra-veteran pilot in the MF, usually found in the most dangerous situations possible. Switched to Destroyers early on, quickly making him the most experienced and wealthy wing in the MF. Came up with the idea of switching the BOMBARRI Chancellor over to another ship, saving his life (temporarily). For this, he was nominated for a PURPLE DONKEY AWARD. Is the only known human to have successfully accessed and used the power of the ADERKIES and not been killed by it. Has recently taken to hanging around with SECTION EIGHT, likely so the strange little person doesn't get himself killed. [Ed: Or possibly because Mr. W. Bond has donated the character to Mr. K. Ma.]
See also: A'd'r'k'treth'b'ykrentschj Gods, Bomaarii, Purple Donkey Award, Section Eight.
Yadsruht: Leader of TRINITY and brilliant scientist. Successfully halted a SHEAX plot to kill a few billion STRAND inhabitants, almost at the cost of his own life. Fortunately, with a little help from the MF [Ed.: VERY little from RMA, mutter mutter <->] he manages to escape to the ridiculously dangerous galaxy of the R'GAKC. Perhaps he wasn't as smart as we thought? Absolutely positively no connection to THURSDAY! Do yah hear me?! None!
See also: Sheax, Thursday, Trinity.
Zacha: Mercenary group responsible for the defense of the MIRANU and policing on the North Tip. All their pilots are super-experienced, having combat ratings of at least Dangerous. Unfortunately, they are also dreadfully under-armed, with most of their number using Crescents and Aradas. They get kicked around a lot. Since the MF smashes RENEGADES and doesn't smash the Miranu, they are friendly towards us. However, if the Miranu are threatened, they will not come to our aid, instead focusing on protecting Miranu space.
Zidagar: One of the three STRANDS, found in the northeast of the CRESCENT. They are drama addicts, obsessed with poetry, stories, and plays. Seriously, if you're ever under attack by these fellows, just act out the HMS Pinafore and you'll get away scot free. With or without your limbs, of course. Their ships are okay, notable only for their Phased Beamers. They are in a constant state of war with the IGAZDRA and the AZDGARI. They are associates of the MF, and may help us out if we ask. However, since we are also semi-allied with the Igazdra, this relationship is quite shaky.
See also: Azdgari, Crescent, Igadzra, Strands.
Appendix - Failed Timelines
[Ed.: there are a few story strings that, for whatever reason, either were stopped prematurely, never materialized, or never truly wrapped up. As a result, they never officially happened. They are detailed here for the sake of completeness. These were originally a secret part of the Lex, but no one found them. Nuts.]
Beyond the Crescent: This is actually a set of two strings based on the rather creative plugin of the same name. The setup was an impending super-escalation of the STRAND War, instigated by an unknown third party. A hyperlink to an unknown part of the galaxy had also been discovered, with entrance to it forbidden pending the return of a IGAZDRAN scout. Colossal person-power strains imposed by the KYTARII and ATION caused the string to be temporarily put on hold. It has not been continued since.
See also: Ation, Igazdra, Kytarii, Strands.
Borg Invasion: Someone was stupid enough to explore beyond ATION space and ended up having the BORG chase after them. Said aliens promptly reduced the Ation to pudding and worked over the MF. Their ability to adapt to any weapon thrown at them makes them practically impossible to beat, and the only way to beat them for sure would be to wipe out/restructure their entire society (good luck). They appeared to be frightened off after a computer virus upload, but it is more likely that Blazer paused the string following anti-Borg backlash. [Ed.: Admittedly, this was mostly from me.] The string has not been continued. [Ed.: Remember kiddies! Fighting an infinitely long losing battle against an indestructible foe to which reason is irrelevant is nowhere near as fun as swallowing a live elephant!]
See also: Ation, Borg, sado-masochism.
Galactic Conspirators: The first big conspiracy faced by the MF. Basically consisted of combat-worshipping right-wing extremists in positions of power who seek to prolong existing conflicts (e.g. UE/VOINIAN war) ad infinitum. To do this, they installed clones in the place of key political figures, such as the UE President. The MF became aware of this plot through a disgruntled agent, one Mr. Armstrong. The string stopped abruptly when Armstrong failed to show up at a meeting, instead leaving the message to "wait for further instructions." Of all the failed timelines, this has the greatest chance at reinstatement, were it not for the fact that the main writer (BLAZER) has retired.
See also: Blazer, UE, Voinian.
MF-V: Hugely complex string authored by FORD PREFECT. Basically involved a huge conspiracy by the Miranu Trade Confederacy to take over all MIRANU space and thendo something. Introduced the tradition of the pointless mission option, whereby a seemingly innocuous option will actually yield great results, encouraging pilots to spread their ranks as thinly as possible. The storyline, unfortunately, was plagued by impossible odds, slow-coming explanations [Ed.: Ooohhh, how I investigated], nill-pay, and too many subplots. Things got so bad that a Fry Ford Foundation was started, and Forditis (speaking in the third person) was added to the MF list of insults. Ford decided to withdraw the string, something of a shame due to his willingness to write in A-Team references. Curiously, the string also involved the fourth Battle of Huron. This one was a bit of an embarrassment, as MF forces were horribly outnumbered, UE forces were on the stupid pill, and MTC forces were devious.
See also: Battle of Huron, Ford Prefect, Miranu.
MF-Wussy Baby: Some things were not meant to be, and that's a good thing. Created by MAD HATTER following complaints that the current game structure made death impossible, this string (should it ever occur) will involve the MF in a battle to the death against the entire MECHANOID race. I.e. every plant, pet, coaster, and teapot. Furthermore, all wings would irrevocably set on Strike, and would receive absolutely no support from the VANNINGS. Glorious battle and massive death would result. Should this ever occur, it will likely drop the average experience level of the RPG to around 2.
See also: Mad Hatter, Mechanoid, Vanning.
Section 8's Grandiose String: SECTION EIGHT had a nifty idea for a stringwhich grew to include a webpagethen a backstorythen a novelthen a series of novelsthen three series of novelsget the idea? He honestly does plan to finish it, but things like schoolwork and Baldur's Gate keep getting in the way, and (to his irritation) people keep preempting his creative ideas. Boo hoo.
See also: Section Eight.
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